I’d like to announce some news that will shock no one.
I hate poodles. Specifically, miniature poodles. For all those people out there who love them, I apologize. I’m sure that this particular breed offers a wide variety of desirable qualities. Unfortunately, I’ve never noticed a single one.
If you hadn’t caught on yet, I grew up with two poodles: Joy and Cupcake. A lot of my reticence towards poodles come straight my father, I must admit. I remember him saying with sporadic consistency that he “wanted to move to Mudville, for there’s no Joy in Mudville.” Yeah. That man boasted a warped sense of humor matched only by my own.
From what I remember from my childhood, poodles are pretty dumb. To be fair, most dogs are a few tacos short of a combination plate, but poodles always seemed to set the bar even lower. Most weekend mornings, I could remember my Dad letting the dogs out of their crate to run outside. He’d clean the sliding glass of the back door, then wait in the hall for the resounding two thuds as the poodles hit the door running. To this day, I believe this was the only amusement he received from owning poodles.
Then, of course, there’s the required maintenance. Unless you have hundreds of dollars to throw away on getting the little buggers clipped every month, don’t invest in owning one. You are literally spending money on prissy canines so that they can appear even prissier. Sounds like a conspiracy to me. They always came home smelling like an expensive salon with little pink bows hot glued to their ears and matching toenail polish. It was nauseatingly cutesy.
Now that I think of it, I wonder if my mother grew attached to these dogs because her daughters (even the straight ones) lacked feminine sensibilities…well, the more traditional kind, anyway.
As for their loyalty, I never noticed much evidence of it. Dogs are supposed to be loyal, aren’t they? That’s the selling point, yet Joy and Cupcake generally just ignored we kids and glommed on to my mother. Joy at least wasn’t mean, but Cupcake was a biter. I still resent that dog for that.
Oh, well. Joy and Cupcake are long gone, and now I’ve own two examples of a much more reasonable a breed: corgis. They rock. Anyone who says any differently can answer to me.
Picture from publicdomainpictures.net.