So…apparently, Melania Trump has decided to stay behind at Trump Tower in New York while President Cheeto moves into the White House. She says it’s because her son is still attending school. My response to that is….so what? Like no child has ever had to change schools mid-semester before. Apparently, it’s easier to freeze up 5th Avenue with secret service agents and cops than it is for her 10-year-old to switch schools. Barron Trump might be inconvenienced rather than thousands of vehicles who can’t get through traffic and dozens of businesses which will hurt from the constant presence of law enforcement every day. But whatever. Maybe Barron won’t have to make new friends this way.
Not only is this a total ripoff to locals in New York, it’s screwing taxpayers. President Cheeto claims he’ll be flying back on Air Force One every weekend. Apparently, we get to foot the bill for this, too. Several people have praised Melania and Donald for putting their son first like this, but I have to ask–are they? Saying that this is the only way to raise their child is yet another fuck-you to the Obamas, who actually moved their daughters to their new school in Washington, D.C. several weeks early to make the transition easier. I’ve seen those girls. The Obamas have made every effort to give them as normal a childhood has possible, and they are thriving. The Obamas are excellent parents, and I’d argue with anyone who said differently.
So…if the Trumps’ son switching schools isn’t actually the problem, what is? Why are Melania and her son Barron staying in New York? I have a few suspicions. Now, mind you, all of these suspicions have no basis in fact. This is pure conjecture. However, I’m pretty sure at least one of them is correct:
1: Melania hates Donald and doesn’t want to move with him. This is probably my most plausible theory. I’ve often wondered why she’s stayed with her husband in the first place. My sister and I are right now working on the theory that she feeds her husband a pound of bacon every morning and discourages him from exercising. Her eyes are on the prize, and she’s done her time in regards to this marriage.
2. Melania and/or Donald suspect that he’ll be impeached sooner rather than later. Considering all the conflicts of interest from President Cheeto’s many properties and businesses both domestic and international, this isn’t exactly a far-fetched idea. It’s really only a matter of time.
3. Donald will probably be resigning early into his presidency, so why bother moving at all? It can’t be easy for President Cheeto to hand over his businesses, even just to his children who he’s sure to be controlling from the sidelines. Although he’s a terrible businessman (just look how many times he’s gone bankrupt), Trump likes to feel important. Why else would a businessman try for the presidency? He likes the attention. He has no interest in helping the country. He has no idea how to help the country.
4. This plays into Donald’s feeling of importance. From the moment he started running for office, President Cheeto has tried to set himself apart from former presidents. He’s refused to release his tax returns, he says whatever the hell crosses his “mind,” his wife’s naked pictures are on the internet, and he hits on his daughter whenever she’s in the room. By not allowing his wife to take on her role as First Lady in the White House (a lifestyle which no first lady has avoided since Martha Washington, who didn’t have a white house to move into), Donald sets his family apart once more. He sure likes to create scandal where it’s inconvenient and, frankly, unnecessary.
5. Trump likes airplanes.
Who knows which one’s right? All I know is, the media and the government have already spent a lot on this guy. He’s practically a sieve for taxpayers already, and this just adds more to our load. I don’t appreciate it, and I don’t see a whole lot of good coming out of it.
Photo by ABC News